Ummm.....I think I like him. I always look forward to seeing him. He's the only one that talked to me. He's the only one that was interested in me. He's the only one who looked right through me.
Stop. Stop. I don't wanna like you.

SMILE

My church had a lock in on Friday and chilled the whole night playing Uno and watching Zoolander. We had to wake up early and leave by 6:30am to Paramount for community service. I shouldn't have gone... I had SAT. But whatever. RT suggested for u to go, and I went, cuz he was gonna be there. :D So we went. We worked hard, cruel, awesome hours in the hot, scorching sun renovating and old house. I moved to where Esther, Young Chul, Jinho, and RT were workin. I guess I was frowing (most likely cuz of the sun). All of a sudden I heard someone singing "~put a smile on your face~" and I looked up to see who's lovely voice it was. RT was singing for me. I had butterflies in my stomach and my heart fluttered. I instantly smiled and laughed ~out of joy. And it was nice seeing his face and hearing his voice. It was totally worth the hard hours of working to spend those few seconds with RT. I felt like at that moment, the galaxy revolved around us. Now, I spend a big deal of time thinking about that sweet moment. I really like him. And I'll be really sad to see him leave next week. TT__________TT

I saw Inception. I was mind blown. Totally awesome, and probably one of th best movies I've ever seen. THE ENDING was a friggin cliffhanger, and I"M DYING. But its ok. That was genius. Everything was genius. The plot. The characters. The cast. The action. The science. The soundtrack. The connection. The romance. The sadness. God. I'm still amazed. I loved it. I love Leonardo Dicaprio and Joseph Gordon-Levitt even more. Ellen Paige is adorable. Marion Cotillard is beautiful. Ken Watanabe is so cool. I'm definitely watching it again with my mom and I'm going to buy the movie. Shiet. <3

Why...

do I feel like the third wheel? It doesn't make sense.

2-5pm

I had a dream about him. Was it at church or camping? I think both. It was both romanitc and terrifying. Yeah the camping trip was just scary. You can say the mood was very similar to the that of The Headless Horseman shet. On our way to our site, there was a massacred town. =___= Bloody and a lot of dead ppl. Buildings were gone. Yeah, you know it seemed like there was never daylight.
At church, ET told RT to do something. He looked at the big, empty wall there and laughed and said in Korean, "If he asked me to vandalize here, I can do it great." But of course I knew he didn't mean it in a bad way. He meant that he could display his artistic abilities on it. I asked, "Then why don't you?" He probably thought why not. RT got a chalk and started to draw out some basic lines as if he knew what he wanted on that all rght away. I watched and I couldn't help but feel happy. Just being with him...I felt it was unhealthy for me. Even though I'm so extremely happy when I'm just around him, I feel a wound in my heart. It hurts because there's so many things that tell me it's wrong to like him. So anyways, while I was dazing at him drawing on the wall, I just said it's alright to not do it and go do ET' work. He just said, "mmm nah :P." Haha so cute. You know what he was drawing? He wrote my name (I was very flattered) in a very nice and creative away...that I don't remember. I just remember thinking that way. I also remember being blown away by this skills at decorating around my name. And then I woke up. ARGHHH. I wanted to sleep again. I couldn't stop thinking about him. TT_TT

. . .

난 항상 오빠 때문에 웃는다

정말 좋아서

You know that one movie...

...where a student and a teacher fall in love?? It's a Korean movie. I don't quite remember...but I remember watching it when I was really little with my mom/grandma. The movie's setting was a high school. It featured Moon Geun Young and that this other guy (I forget his name all the time ugh).
This is the only thing that brings my hopes up. The only thing that makes me believe we could happen.
But mostly...no. 95% of the time it will not happen.

I'm afraid

of falling in love.

I'm sure I haven't officially fell in love yet, but a crush is the beginning of one.

I've never had a great feeling about having a crush. Only the fact that I have something to look forward to in the day, like meeting the guy, that's it!

I'm just really scared of being heartbroken.

Even though I really like him, there's too many problems between us already.

Right now, I need to focus on my future. I need to focus on GOD.

God. Whatever happens, I know it's your plan.

My only request is that before that person leaves, I want him to know how special he is. I know great things are ahead of him.

He deserves a great lady. :')